[This one goes in English because I’m super shy about sharing my feelings and mostly because everybody can read this, especially people that don’t know me. Although is dedicated to (the core group) of my super family.]
It all started this morning when I was at work and I don’t know why my thoughts began to focus on my grandmas. I couldn’t help myself and I had cried a lot. I know I shall not pick a favorite, but I can’t deny the fact that nana from father’s side was my favorite. But still, I loved and still love both of them, even now they are gone. And I remember that I sadly couldn’t come to neither of their funerals, but I remember that when my parents told me they passed away I almost immediately cried. Whenever I was, either in holiday with my friends or while I was waiting the ferry to get home from work. And just remind to those two beautiful ladies, the most beautiful ladies on Earth if I may say, tears are shedding my face again right now while I’m writing. My feelings are multiples, I feel obviously sad but I also feel grateful and happy to have seen how amazing were their living through my awesome parents. I suppose my granddads have something to do with it too, but I never met one and I don’t remember much of the other because I was too young, so I don’t have much of the connections I had with the nanas that I vividly remember. Anyway, I’m so glad I have such a beautiful and clever family, that taught me how to live better than many people I see around me. I’ve been taught how to keep myself tide and clean, to have respect of the others even more than I have respect for myself and how to be such an hard worker. So I definitely love my ma and pa, more than anyone else in the world. I know for many people this could sound like an understatement, but I never tell this to them right in the face and even if it’s taken for granted, is always nice to remind so. Actually sometimes happened, for silly misinterpretations, that I looked like I was almost against them. But I never doubt on what I think is the most strong relationship that a person could possibly feel. And for now I never met the “right girl” for me (if there is one), but I’m quite sure the love I have for my parents will remain the strongest to me, over and over again.
The other part of my family, the one that I always thought we have nothing in common but the parents, is my sister. The one that I thought I never had such great feelings, because she is so independent and freaking strong. Not physically, but she has such a strong character. Something I kind of envy, seeing my timid attitude. Although recently I started to have quite a sharp tongue on whatever and whoever piss me off, that gradually goes from a form of sarcasm that I use to point out the problem, through a normal conversation like human beings should do, to end in a compulsive shout of rage in which I look like a rabid dog with a bachelor in literature that bark and spit foam against those who are trying to fuck me with nonsense and defend themselves with silly excuses. And here I notice how my sister and I starting to be very similar. I always joked about her, telling to my friends I’m scared of her because she reminds me of Hitler, but with better mustache (I never said that to her face or I wouldn’t have any sort of face right now, but I hope she will get the humor…). She’s actually beautiful, so they say. Because she’s my older sister she still look like Hitler to me, so she ain’t so handsome in my opinion, but I wouldn’t force this joke too much or I’d risk for my life. The point about the fuhrer is just a matter of behavior, as I said. She’s in command of her life, of her man and of two tornadoes, also known as her kids. And that is amazing, I have to admit.
Speaking of my brother-in-law, I’m pretty sure is making jokes about me right now because of this letter. Let him be, I’m really happy she got such a smart idiot. I really like him, probably because I know him for so long or probably because he’s funny and clever. In a way I love him too, although is a different love I have for him, compare to the stronger one I have for my parents and my sis. The problem now will be the suffocating jokes he’s gonna make on me because of this statement, but that’s fine.
Certain feelings that never get out of my mouth because too smoochy for a man or because I thought they were merely implied without saying them out loud, could come back as strong as they are and make me cry. I know, I cry a lot and I’m proud of it. I cry for happiness, cry for joy, cry just because I need to. Like I cried for sadness for the lost my nanas. But they are not dead. Not that I believe in heaven or hell as they did. I’m more a practical man, a man of science they say, who believes in explanations of the facts we can receipt and elaborate in our brain (although my favorite movie “The Matrix” always taught me to not believe in what we define as “real”, but that’s another story). My father believes in nature and I think is the most perfect idea I would ever go along with. My point is that whether people believe in god or not, the memories of my grandmas are still fresh and clear in my mind, so they still living in me, in my sister, even more in my parents, as they are the reflection of who my nanas were. And so the life goes on, repeating itself with new beautiful creatures like my nephews, that will be the reflection of my parents, of my sister and my brother-in-law, but a part of my nanas is in them too, even though they never met. To me that is the paradise described in the religions, in any religion. We don’t need to meet each other to see that people are like this because our elderly raised us in that way. And that’s one of the thing that makes me love old people, beside their long-lived experience of life. And that’s why I shed tears of joy when I think at my father getting a bit angry because his mother couldn’t remember of him lightly on the last months of her life. I know senility could be more harmful to the closest ones instead of the person affected by. Because I’ve been taught by this experience that could happen to me one day (very far from now and I hope it would not happen at all) so I will try my best to smile anyway at my parents, because they blessed me with every-fucking-thing (sorry the swearing, but when I get excited I can’t contain myself). Because they are the best I could ever ask. And even if I have sides of my character I would rather take off of me, but I obviously can’t, I feel so amazing to be me, to be such an independent, clever and strong person. My experiences around the world were helping my growing, but nothing of it would have been done without the greatest teachers of my life. So, I love my ma, my pa and my sister.
Also, because I’m a straight man, my father is my first hero. Nobody is such an amazing person and super hard worker (even after the retirement) like him. I’ve got a qualification as electrician, but he knows better than me how to fix, deviate and repair the electrical system of his house. I (shamefully) don’t. I wouldn’t be able to be so practical on anything, as his like a master in everything! Especially plants. That is so astonishing. On the other hand my mom is the one who taught me how to be a good housekeeper. Not that my father is not able to threaten his jackets or clean the house, but she’s my teacher on that side of me. The military experience she put me through is something I never been able to thank her for. And I realize now, after traveling around the Europe, that lots of people have no fucking idea how to use a freaking broom or how to proper clean their own shit. And I’m not in contact with high rank nobles or such. “Normal” people, with the same empty bank account like mine, such as people are hierarchy defined since the invention of the economy. And that makes me think about how rich I am, because to me knowledge and cleverness are the best values that define people, not how thick their wallets are. The more we know, the strong we are. I diverged as usual and this letter is getting longer for no particular reason. I think I said what I wanted to say and explain myself thoroughly, but I think I still hearing my brother-in-law making jokes of me. He never gets to understand the “female side” of mine, but that’s ok. Laugh as much as you like, because I believe in laughter as much as I believe in the love I feel for my closest relatives!
PS: I just wanted to make clear I was talking about the core group of my family because lots of relatives (from mother’s side) are impossible creatures with nothing in their heads but farts or money. Hardly definable human beings to my point of view. Clearly not all of them, but lots. I’m so glad that this rotten apple fell a bit far from the rotten branch of my family tree. Then again, thanks mom! And dad! And my Fuhr… Vera, I mean Vera!